E.05: Finally 18

And so I turned 18. Old enough to vote, old enough to drive, and by my set standards, old enough to fuck.

There was no grand celebration, nothing special for my 18th birthday. I can't even remember kung nagluto lang ba or nagdinner sa labas, basta simple lang. Bad shot kasi ako sa parents ko that time because delayed na ko. I had to drop a major subject, and all major subjects ng course ko eh seasonal, meaning kung 2nd sem sya offered, 2nd sem of the following year mo na sya pwede i-take ulit, hindi ko sya pwede habulin ng summer or 1st sem. Tapos prerequisite pa sya for other major subjects so magkakausod-usod na lahat, kaya definitely hindi nako makakagraduate on time. Kaya my folks were so frustrated and disappointed sakin.

Well ako, hindi naman ako bothered kasi madami naman kami, yung iba nga first year pa lang delayed na, and it's quite common sa course ko na ma-ireg. Saka alam ko na kaya naman nagkaganon kasi hindi nga ko nag-aaral, pumapasok lang ako. Ok lang yun sa isip-isip ko, ayoko naman ng course ko eh, somehow pakiramdam ko nga eh ginusto ko talaga madelay bilang pagrerebelde.

That summer, same din with the previous year, nakabalik ako sa gym, tapos chat, text and telebabad lang pinagkaabalahan ko sa bahay. Hindi na kasi mainit ang mata sakin, nalipat sa sister ko na sumunod sakin. Pano kasi, nahuling BF yung kaklase eh 2nd year HS lang. Kaya ayun, sya ang bawal lahat, ako di na masyado hinihigpitan. Yan hirap ng nag-b-BF sa school, alam ng mga kaklase, kaya madaling mabuko.

I waited so long to be 18 so I could experience sex pero nung nag-18 nako, parang saka naman medyo nagsubside yung init. Biglang hindi ko na sya priority, mas gusto ko na ng companionship. Sometimes I still engage in sexchat or phone sex pero parang katuwaan na lang sya sakin, hindi ko na sila sinasabayan, parang kawang-gawa na lang sa part ko. Kahit sa call, I'm sure they could never tell if sumabay ako or not, though 90% of the time eh hindi. Convinced sila lagi na I was also pleasuring myself and that I cum each time kahit na while we're talking eh nakatingala lang naman ako sa ceiling haha Yes, I was that good of an actress.

Mas gusto ko na ng kwentuhan, mga late night texting, tawanan and kulitan. Then I met A. Once ko lang sya nakachat, we exchanged numbers and then sa texting na kami naging close, buong summer kami magkatext. He's 5 years older than me, working na sya, laki sa province at nung nagcollege lang nakaluwas ng Manila. Nakausap ko sa phone once when he pleaded me to call him sa boarding house nila. He's nice, medyo mahiyain, soft spoken, parang ang bait-bait. Gentleman sya, actually we never talked about sex and yet gusto ko sya kausap.

Nung nag-start na classes, medyo naging busy na ako kaya hindi ko na narereplyan yung ibang text ni A and eventually nagfade na yung communication namin. I still went online everyday, chatting with random people. Yun na ang naging pantanggal ko ng stress at the end of a long day.

I've already mentioned that I prefer chatting with older people but not the DOM type naman ha na pwede ko ng maging tatay, medyo ilag ako sa kanila non. Mas ka-jam ko yung mga tipong ka-generation ko pa din, parang kuya, ganon mga kakulitan ko sa group chat sa YM kung san ako madalas mag online.

Then I came across W. He was 29, single, owns a small business at a nearby province south of MMla. We clicked instantly. Magkatext kami throughout the day pero hindi masyado sa gabi since maaga sya kung matulog dahil maaga din sya kung pumasok para mag-open ng shop. Kapag wala akong pasok at nataong walang mga kalaban sa bahay, minsan tinatawagan nya ko sa cell, di ko kasi sya matawagan sa landline since long distance call na papatak.

Sya ang nagrevive ng desires ko at curiosity sa sex. We talked about sex a lot, he even emailed me a Word document na parang compilation ng mga sex stories. Andami, tackling all sorts of topics: sex with strangers, sex with an older guy, incest, gang rape, at marami pang iba. Wala pa sigurong FSS nung 2001 haha Inisa-isa kong basahin lahat at sobrang tinatablan talaga ko everytime, nakikiliti yung utak ko. Bumalik na naman yung feeling na sinisilaban, yung feeling na kating-kate.

Mula non, nagstart na kami magSOT, and pag may chance, SOP din. Ang sarap ko daw umungol, he'd love to hear those moans daw in person. Fuck, lalo kong nalibugan sa thought na gusto nya ko makantot talaga. Sobrang turned on sya sa fact na NBSB ako.

Eventually nag-give in na ko sa pangungulit nya na magswap ng pictures. He's not exactly my definition of gwapo, pero hindi din naman sya panget ha, he's ok, decent-looking. Tall, dark, and mabait haha Sya naman on the other hand, nangulit na ng nangulit ng meet-up. I was hesitant kasi I have never met with anyone before na one-on-one lang, puro group EBs. So sabi ko pag-isipan ko muna, pumayag naman sya.

Then one time, inaya nya ko na magwatch ng movie. While writing this confession, tinatry ko recall yung title kaso di ko na maalala pero ang natatandaan ko, plan ko din talaga panoorin yung movie with my classmates. Sabi nya wag na daw, kami na lang magwatch.

I said yes. Pumayag ako sa condition na it's gonna be a wholesome friendly date. I asked him to set aside kung ano man yung mga napag-uusapan namin dati, na puro play lang yun, kalimutan na nya. Nag-agree naman sya.

We agreed to meet sa mall just across my school para less hassle daw on my part. Pogi points naman yun for him since ang layo nya and babyahe pa sya talaga just to see me.

The day of the meet-up arrived and we were supposed to meet after my class. I was still at a lecture when he texted na malapit na daw sya sa mall, aantayin na lang daw nya ko don after school. He also told me na may gusto daw sya aminin sakin and it's up to me na daw kung imimeet ko pa sya. Sana daw tumuloy pa din ako pero maiintindihan daw nya in case I decide na wag na.

He's already married with 2 kids.

Ahh, bahala na...